


Experiments

by Saysi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Dub-con/Borderline Non-con, Gon is the experienced one, Hand Jobs, In my head they're both sixteen, It has a happy ending though I promise, Killua is super innocent, M/M, Oral Sex, experimenting, not a couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 07:00:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saysi/pseuds/Saysi
Summary: Every night, Killua sat in bed while Gon went out - hunting, working, with friends, Killua frankly had no idea which it was.With a "goodbye and goodnight" as the front door slammed closed, he just disappeared into the night.Until one night, on his way through, Gon opens Killua's bedroom door.





	Experiments

**Author's Note:**

> This is way darker and more objectionable than the stuff I usually write, so I hope it isn't too awful. 
> 
> Happy Birthday to my favourite fluffy little killing machine (at least if you go by the Manga not the 1999 series).

Killua looked up when the door opened, surprised to see Gon poking his head through to the bedroom, his typical little smile in place. He marked his page and set his book aside, doing his best to manage a smile in return.

“Hey, there's something I want to try before I go out, but I need a hand. Can I borrow you?”

“Yeah, of course,” Killua agreed. “Now?”

“Yeah,” Gon nodded, taking a step into the room proper. “Is that okay?”

“Sure, where do you want me?”

“Where you are is fine.”

Gon climbed onto the bed covers with him and Killua suddenly felt weirdly nervous, watching curiously as Gon came in close, his knees either side of Killua's legs. He had effectively pinned Killua in place, with the mattress beneath him, Gon on top of him, and the headboard of the bed at his back. Killua wasn't sure he liked it. Every instinct told him to shove Gon off and regain his personal space, but he fought back against his urges, balling his hands into fists.

_It's Gon. I trust Gon._

“Close your eyes.”

Killua complied, still fighting to stay put, arguing with the voices in his head that screamed at him to move and fight back. It didn't matter for long. His thoughts were cut off, his mind plunging into a confused blankness, when Gon's lips touched his. It only lasted a second, and Killua kept his eyes firmly shut, but he knew. He had felt Gon's face right up in front of him, had felt his breath as he exhaled lightly right before they touched. 

He had no idea what to think. What was it Gon wanted to try? Was that it? Why did he want to try that? What was that?

“Thanks,” Gon said in his typical bright way, almost laughing to himself. “You can open your eyes now, I've gotta go. Won't be back until late.”

“O-Okay,” Killua stuttered, nodding. “Have fun.”

“We will!”

He waited until he heard the front door close before he let his fingers move to his lips, gently touching his own face in an attempt to work out what the hell was going on. Finally he resorted to grabbing the laptop from beside the bed and opening up a web browser.

[Lips touching]

All he got was a bunch of photos of people touching their lips, and he frowned to himself.

[Two people touching lips]

It wasn't until he came across some cheesy quote that he finally caught on, flooding red for his stupidity and struggling to refrain from throwing the laptop across the room.

[Kissing]

Yep. He was an idiot. 

_That_ was what kissing was?? 

Why the hell had _Gon_ kissed him?! 

He had said he wanted to try something, and apparently that something was kissing? Maybe he had never done it before, that would explain a lot. He was going out with a girl, and he was afraid it would come up, and he wanted to know how things worked logistically before he went through with it.

Yeah, that added up. But why _him?_

Okay, actually that was pretty simple. Killua was there, and they were best friends. Gon trusted him, knew he wouldn't laugh or make fun of him or go tell everybody. That made sense.

The real question was why Killua was still blushing.

* * *

Killua looked up at the sound of the front door opening, confused for a moment before he looked at the corner of his screen. 2:33 AM showed in little white characters, and he pulled a face at himself.

For the last week or so, Gon had been out late with someone. He would leave around seven for dinner, and when Killua woke up he was back in his bed like he'd never been gone. Killua had never actually heard him get back before, Gon did his best to be quiet, but tonight Killua had gotten distracted.

“Killua? Are you still up?”

“Mm, yeah,” he yawned, “I didn't realise the time.”

Gon opened the door to look in, smiling when he found Killua rubbing his eyes with his fist. It took a moment for the laptop to shut down, then Killua set it aside, giving Gon a tired smile as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I should get some sleep, it's no wonder I was getting tired. Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was fine,” Gon nodded. “You?”

“It was uneventful, that's usually a good thing.”

He found himself staring at Gon's lips, not taking in a word he was actually saying, his brain still trying to comprehend the fact that only twenty-four hours ago (okay, closer to thirty) those lips had been on his, and he still didn't understand it. Gon caught him staring and cracked a little smile, shuffling a little closer to Killua at the head of the bed.

“Close your eyes.”

For some dumb reason, Killua obeyed. He knew what was coming this time, even if he didn't understand it, and his heart pounded against his ribcage as Gon moved closer. His lips were surprisingly soft. Killua had no idea if that was normal or not, and even less idea whether his own felt the same. 

“I want to try something new,” Gon murmured, when their lips parted again.

Killua didn't respond, but he felt Gon's hand touch his jaw lightly, coaxing his mouth open before he kissed him again. This time he could feel the warmth of Gon's breath against his, and all he could do was let Gon move him like a puppet. His lips moved when Gon's moved, and he struggled to keep enough air in his body, but still Gon continued.

If he'd thought he was confused before, he was mistaken. 

What was _really_ confusing, was the feel of Gon's tongue slipping into his mouth, mingling with his. He didn't know what to do, didn't know if he should copy, or stay still, or pull away. 

It felt like a lifetime before Gon moved away, both of them gasping for air, and still Killua had nothing to say, couldn't find any words. He was still so confused, but he couldn't even find the questions to ask.

“Goodnight, Killua,” Gon smiled. “Sweet dreams.”

He didn't wait for Killua to say anything, just slid off of Killua, off of the bed, and made his way back to his own bedroom. Killua was left behind with even more questions, even more confusion, and a strange tightness to his pants that hadn't been there before Gon had straddled him.

* * *

“What are you doing?” Killua asked breathlessly.

It was the third night that Gon had appeared in his bedroom and trapped him against the headboard, the third time he had found Gon's lips on his, and the thousandth time he had wondered what the hell was going on. He had finally found the words to ask, in the midst of it all, and Gon tilted his head slightly in his own, very different, confusion.

“Which bit didn't you like? Was I too grabby?”

“I mean in general.”

He had made some more stupidly embarrassing internet searches, so logistically he knew what was happening now, but he still had no clue _why_ it was happening.

“I told you, I wanted to try some stuff.”

“This is the third night you've shown up in my bedroom and thrown yourself on me, and I have no doubt that it'll be the third time you abandon me immediately afterwards, before I can ask any questions.”

“What do you want to ask?”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Because I wondered what it would be like.”

“Then you should have...” Killua trailed off, looking away as he contemplated. “You should have said 'Killua, can I kiss you?' or 'I want to try kissing, do you mind?' or anything that gave me some kind of information about what was going on.”

“Sorry, I didn't realise you didn't like it. I'm sorry.”

He started to move and Killua was mortified to feel Gon's ass grind against his crotch, a prominent bulge forming that he knew Gon couldn't possibly not notice.

Worst of all, Killua realised, he kind of _did_ like it.

“I didn't say that,” he objected reluctantly. “I just don't understand.”

“What's to understand? I wanted to kiss you, so I did. Next time I'll ask more clearly, okay? I promise. I'm sorry I upset you.”

“Okay.”

“Talk to me. What don't you like? All of it? Some of it?”

“I don't like feeling trapped,” Killua mumbled. “Like I can't get away unless I hurt you.”

“What? Oh!” Gon's face fell into an apologetic look, his eyebrows knitting together. “I'm sorry, I never even thought about that.”

He sat back beside Killua at the pillows, turning his head and contemplating for a moment before he gestured to Killua instead. Once again Killua found himself obeying, despite having no idea why he did so. Gon pulled Killua into his lap, his legs sprawled to either side of Gon's hips, his ass landing in Gon's lap without a hint of dignity. He was no longer trapped, he had to admit. He didn't have walls on every side of him anymore. Now he just had a bulging crotch right in Gon's line of sight.

“Is this the problem?” Gon smirked, his hand touching Killua's inner thigh lightly. “All of this, just for me?”

That was something Killua hadn't thought to look up, and now it was too late. He knew that sometimes he woke up in the morning with the same bulge, but it was pretty rare for it to happen any other time. He should have researched it.

“Want me to take care of it?”

“How?” Killua asked nervously, “how do you deal with it?”

Gon tilted his head again, contemplating Killua with a disbelieving look on his face.

“Killua, has this never happened to you before?”

“I-I mean... It... It has, but... But I don't...”

With a grin on his face Gon kissed Killua's burning cheeks, one after the other, then planted one more kiss on his lips again.

“I didn't know you were so innocent,” Gon laughed, “you're so cute, Killua. I guess there wasn't much sex ed going on in the Zoldyck household.”

“Sex ed?”

“Sexual Education.”

Killua's face was burning again, but he was pretty sure it had never really gone away in the first place. As far as Gon could tell, he had been bright red this entire time. 

Gon leaned in close again, bringing his lips close to Killua's ear, his breath tickling Killua's neck.

“It happens when you're turned on,” Gon whispered. “When something feels good.”

“O-Oh. Um.”

“That's why I thought you were in to it. I can stop if you're not.”

“I don't know if I like it or not.”

“Okay. We'll go slow.”

He trailed light little kisses along Killua's jaw, smiling when Killua's head tilted a little and gave him easier access. His hands rubbed lightly at Killua's thighs, held on either side of Gon's hips, and he knew his own pants were going to start tenting at any minute.

When his lips reached the corner of Killua's mouth he paused, then went back the other direction again, slowly and tenderly working his way down to Killua's neck. He knew he'd guessed correctly when he felt Killua tense up on top of him, a little tiny gasp of air parting his lips, and he settled in to kiss a little more firmly at the one spot. 

“Ah!” 

The tiny yelp escaped Killua when Gon bit him lightly, and he felt his face glowing warm again in response, even as Gon paused to grin at him.

“There?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Killua couldn't look at Gon as he returned to gently sucking and biting at the spot in the crook of Killua's neck, too embarrassed by the harried breaths that he couldn't quite calm.

“How do you take care of it?” Killua asked again, his words a little rougher this time as Gon messed with his breathing. “Gon?”

“Do you want me to tell you or show you?”

Killua paused for a moment and Gon took the opportunity to bite him again, getting another gasp and a squirm in return.

“S-Show me,” Killua stumbled out finally. “Show me how.”

“Okay.”

Gon's lips returned to Killua's, but his hands went to the fly on the front of Killua's pants. He contemplated protesting, but at this point he was too invested, so he let Gon's tongue play with his and let his pants slide down past his ankles. He tensed up again when Gon reached toward the elastic waistband of his underwear, and Gon stopped immediately, waiting for Killua to speak.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“I don't know.”

“Okay.”

The hands moved away again and the lips returned, a lot rougher than the first night but somehow weirdly enjoyable. 

“Let me do it,” Killua said after a minute, when their lips parted again. “Let me take them off.”

“Okay.”

It was a lot less weird to remove his own clothes, he'd decided. He slipped them off as promised and discarded them along with his pants, leaving himself bare and hard in Gon's lap. Gon let out a low whistle when he looked down and Killua wasn't sure he understood what it meant.

“Give me your hand.”

He held it out obediently and Gon took it, wrapping his fingers lightly around his cock.

“This is how you take care of it,” Gon explained. “Have you done this before?”

“No.”

“Okay. Here.”

He kept his hand over Killua's and started slowly shifting it up and down the shaft, watching Killua's eyes widen as they began to move a little faster. Soon enough he was panting, struggling for air, and Gon helped him to keep the pace going. 

It wasn't long before he burst, spurting white liquid all over Gon's shirt, and he looked up with an apology already waiting on his lips.

“It's okay,” Gon assured him with a smile. “I knew I was in the firing line when we started.”

He pulled his shirt over his head and balled it up, setting it aside. Killua was a lot more relaxed now, staring down at his sticky hand in silence, and Gon smiled to himself again.

“Better?”

“Y-Yeah. Thanks.”

“I'm surprised you got this far in life without touching yourself,” Gon told him bluntly. “Most guys lose half their teenage years to playing with it.”

“I guess it'll be the second half.”

Gon laughed brightly and finally Killua cracked a smile, relaxing a little into Gon's lap.

“How do I do this?” he asked, leaning in a little closer.

“You're gonna have to be more specific.”

“How do I kiss you?”

Gon's smile was the brightest Killua had seen it in weeks, and he pulled Killua in closer, until their foreheads were touching.

“You've gotta relax,” Gon began, “then you just open your lips a little and lean in until we meet.”

It was almost painful waiting for Killua to get there, instead of just pulling him in by the shirt, but he restrained himself and waited for Killua to find his place, to work out the logistics behind it. Finally his lips touched Gon's, and Gon's hands roamed to Killua's hipbones, pulling him in closer as they kissed again.

Killua still wasn't sure he liked the tongue thing, but it seemed a little less boring than kissing without it, and he figured he'd get used to it eventually.

Was he planning on doing more of this?

His hands were on Gon's shoulders, and then one was in Gon's hair, tangling itself in dark locks and holding him close, pulling him in.

“Gon,” he said breathlessly, pulling away. “Weren't you meant to be going out?”

“Like hell,” he growled. “Are you trying to get rid of me after all this?”

“No, I just don't want anyone to get mad at you.”

“It's fine, don't worry about it.”

“Okay. Maybe you should kiss me again, then.”

“Maybe?”

“I'm still not convinced I like it,” Killua admitted, “but I don't think I dislike it.”

“What do you like, then?”

Killua's hand roamed to his neck before he'd even thought about it, and Gon grinned as he leaned in, snatching Killua's fingers away in favour of his lips. It took a lot for Killua not to make a sound, for him to remain upright despite his trembling hands.

“Lean on me,” Gon murmured into his neck. “It's okay.”

He rested his hands on Gon's shoulders lightly, bracing himself a little, and sure enough he felt a lot more stable when Gon went at it it again. He trailed across Killua's collarbones, leaving little nips and kisses along his path, and Killua lost a breathy little whine when Gon's teeth sank into the other side of his neck. It hurt a little – stung would be a better word – and he still didn't understand _why_ it felt good, but God, Gon knew what he was doing when he went there. 

He was hard again, he could feel it, but he was too flustered to have much control over his actions. It took forever for him to get one hand off Gon's shoulder, to drop it back to where Gon held it only minutes ago, and Gon growled again when he felt Killua moving.

“Now you're just gonna jerk it all over me while we're making out?”

“S-Sorry, you said...”

“Yeah, but you're meant to let me help. Or at least watch.”

“Okay.”

“You're too pitiful,” Gon sighed, smiling all the same. “Come here. Can I do it?”

“Yeah.”

Killua braced himself again, leaning his temple against Gon's lightly, tensing up when he felt Gon's fingers wrap around his dick. His breaths came hard and fast when Gon started to move, clearly far more well-practiced than Killua, and he could feel himself starting to sweat as well. Just when it was starting to feel unbearable he felt Gon reach for something, and then he was coming again, holding tight to Gon as he waited for it to stop. 

Gon threw the soiled shirt over the side of the bed this time, and smiled as Killua fell onto his back, breathing hard as he stared at the ceiling. 

“Better?”

“Yeah.”

“See why I wanted to try this stuff out?”

“I think so.”

“Okay.”

Gon started to move off the side of the bed and Killua gave him a pitiful look, a little offended that Gon was going to leave him in this state. Gon just smiled though and kissed his cheek lightly, disappearing into the hallway. 

Killua still wasn't sure he knew what was going on. He did know it felt good, though, so maybe he didn't need to be so torn about it all. Gon seemed to enjoy it, so clearly there was something he had been missing, something he'd missed out on growing up the way he did.

He was surprised when Gon returned, a damp face cloth in his hand, and a little embarrassed when he felt Gon cleaning him off. He had made a pretty big mess, he knew, of Gon's shirt especially, but Gon was the one tenderly cleaning him off while he lay useless on the bed.

“Hm, we missed a little,” Gon mumbled, studying the blankets. “Might need a wash.”

“Sorry.”

“It's fine. Come here.”

He slid his arms under Killua's exhausted body, and despite the flustered protests, lifted him into his arms. He didn't seem to have any trouble in navigating Killua down the hall, tucking him under warm blankets.

“Incoming.”

Killua found himself smiling a little when Gon crawled in beside him, dragging him in close with one arm. His back was pressed to Gon's chest, and after a moment he wriggled, letting Gon loosen his grip a little before he tore his singlet off to leave his skin bare against Gon's. Gon smiled into the back of Killua's head, but it passed quickly when Killua tensed up again.

“What's wrong?”

“Um... I kind of want my underwear.”

“Okay, wait here.”

He waited in the blankets while Gon dutifully returned to the other bedroom, coming back with a fresh, clean pair of underwear for Killua to pull on for some kind of modesty. He ditched his own pants while he was up, too, so when he returned to hugging Killua they only had two thin layers of fabric between them. Killua did, however, find that far more comfortable than being bare against Gon's two layers, so he wasn't going to complain.

“Sweet dreams,” Gon whispered into his neck, smiling when he blushed. “Goodnight, Killua.”

“G-Goodnight, Gon.”

* * *

“What are you trying to do?” Killua asked, muffled by his own hand.

Gon had shown up right on schedule, letting himself into Killua's room, Killua's bed, and going to town without hesitation. Killua was hard again but Gon had growled at him every time he reached for his waistband, so he was stuck with uncomfortably tight pants and a neck covered in bites and bruises. 

“I want to hear you.”

“Hear me? I'm talking right now.”

“You're gonna whine and moan like nothing you ever thought you could possibly produce.”

Gon's fingers had been tormenting his body for the better part of an hour. He'd toyed with Killua's nipples, rubbed at his inner thighs, explored his abs – numerous times at this point – and kissed him rougher than ever, more desperate and needy than ever. Killua was a mess, and he wasn't sure if that was good or not. He hadn't asked for any of it, hadn't wanted any of it, but still he found himself arching into Gon's touch, still he found himself staying, when he could easily have stood up and walked away. 

It was getting harder to breathe. Every breath was rougher than the last, and Killua was powerless to stop it. There were lips on his neck again, biting and sucking in that one little spot that made Killua lose control of his limbs. Gon's hips were right over his, their crotches grinding together in an almost unbearable way, Gon had taken control of him, completely and utterly, and he still wasn't sure if he was okay with it.

“Open your mouth,” Gon murmured into Killua's ear, making Killua shiver. “Let me hear you.”

He didn't understand, but he obeyed. He opened his mouth and let the gasping breaths come out, still struggling for air as Gon explored his body. When it all became too much Killua shied away from the lips that controlled him and he felt strong fingers lace into his hair, dragging him back.

The noise that came from him was like nothing he'd ever heard before, and he flooded red in response to it, his hands shaking a little.

“Good boy,” Gon said softly, planting a light kiss on Killua's lips. “You want to take your pants off for me now?”

“What was that?”

“That was your body letting me know that you like it when I pull your hair,” Gon smirked. “Thank you, Killua's body. Killua's brain never would have told me.”

“Why would I like that?”

“Everyone is in to different things,” Gon informed him. “It's nothing to be ashamed of, there are far weirder things you could like.”

“I'm not- I don't-”

Gon didn't bother to argue, just dragged Killua in by the hair to plant another little bite on his neck, smirking when Killua struggled to stifle himself.

“It's okay, really. It's normal. I'm glad I know what you like.”

“It's weird.”

“It's not. Now, you still haven't answered my question.”

“Question?”

“Do you want to take your pants off for me?”

Killua paused, panting a little as he got his breath back.

“Do I have a choice?”

“I can do it for you, if you like.”

“I'll do it.”

He shifted himself off of Gon's lap and turned away, still burning red as he slipped his pants off with shaking hands. Was he enjoying this? Should he just run while he had the chance?

“You remember how this works?” Gon asked, when Killua turned around again nervously. 

“Yeah.”

“Show me.”

He curled a hand around his cock obediently and started stroking back and forth, slowly at first to get the rhythm. When his eyes sank closed he felt Gon's hand touch his cheek, his voice soft when he spoke again.

“Look at me.”

His eyelids fluttered open again and he found Gon's golden-brown eyes, suddenly feeling a little awkward as he started to speed up his hand.

“Good, good boy, just like that,” Gon encouraged him. “Keep going, almost there.”

Right as he got close to finishing he felt Gon's hand in his hair again, pulling his head back roughly, and he heard himself moaning again as he spilled all over his hand, all over Gon's lap. He could see the bulge in Gon's pants when his head fell forward again, and it suddenly occurred to him that Gon was doing all of this for _him._

Sure, he wasn't entirely sure about it all, but Gon was trying to make _him_ feel good.

“What can I do?” Killua asked breathlessly, as Gon cleaned off his hands with the old towel from his lap. “What can I do for you?”

“Really?”

“Really. Anything. Just tell me what to do.”

“Okay.”

He looked down to see Gon stripping off his own pants, his rock-hard dick falling out of his underwear, and somehow Killua didn't feel awkward about seeing it. 

“Open your mouth,” Gon instructed, as he rose to his knees. “All the way.”

He obeyed, and quickly felt his eyes widening as Gon's rather large penis found its way into Killua's mouth. He willed himself not to bite down out of habit, trying his best to keep his mouth open wide enough for it to fit.

“Good boy,” Gon said again, stroking silver hair lightly. “Relax and breathe.”

Killua took a deep breath through his nose and felt Gon's dick pushing further inside of him, filling his mouth and throat. He gagged a little when he reached the base, his eyes watering, and felt something dribble down his throat when he did.

Gon's hands went from caressing to grabbing in an instant, using his hair as a grip to manipulate his head, to drag him back and forth along Gon's member like his mouth had become his hand. He was pretty sure he didn't like this, not like the other things that were kind of borderline, but he had promised Gon anything and this was what he'd chosen.

It wasn't long before Gon was panting, his motions getting a little less smooth, and with a last tug that brought Killua all the way forward, all the way to the base of the shaft, he felt liquid pouring down his throat. His eyes were watering more than ever, and he struggled to swallow, but soon it bcame a little easier to fit Gon in his mouth.

When Gon slipped himself out Killua found himself shaking a little, thrown by the event, but Gon looked like he was in complete heaven.

“I'll do it myself next time,” Killua whispered. “You don't have to do the work.”

“Okay,” Gon agreed with a peaceful little smile. “I can't wait.”

The bed had somehow remained clean this time, with the addition of the towels Gon had brought in, and it didn't take long for Gon to pull the blankets up over his bare legs. He took Killua's hand and dragged him over to join him, tucking the blanket up over his shoulders. 

“Goodnight, Killua.”

“Goodnight, Gon...”

* * *

When Gon showed up, right on schedule as usual, Killua had had enough. He was at his limit, both physically and mentally, and when he heard the door handle turn he curled his knees up to his chest, breathing rapidly.

He couldn't do it. It was too much. He was-

Gon's hand was on his face, hard with calluses, his thumb brushing across the pale cheek.

“What's wrong?”

Killua froze, every muscle in his body tensing up, but words refused to come out of his mouth.

“Talk to me, Killua. Please?”

More tears were spilling over now, too many for Gon to clear away so easily, and he tensed again when Gon pulled him in.

“Shhh, it's okay,” Gon cooed, stroking fluffy white hair with one of his strong hands, the other wound tight around Killua's waist. “It's okay, Killua, you're safe. I'm here, talk to me.”

“I don't want to do it.”

“Do what, Killua?”

“All of this,” Killua choked out, hiding his face far too late. “I don't want it, I don't want to do it.”

“All of what?”

“Whatever it is that's been going on at night!”

It was Gon's turn to fall silent this time, and if Killua had dared to sneak a peek, he would have seen pain in his best friend's face.

“I don't understand,” Killua sobbed. “Why? Why did you suddenly want to do all of that stuff, why _me_? I know I was here, I know you're my best friend, and I should be able to do that stuff for you, but I just can't do it anymore!”

“Why didn't you stop me?” Gon asked, holding back his own tears now. “I'm so sorry, Killua, I didn't know.”

“What was I supposed to do?!”

“Just say no!” Gon insisted, hugging a little tighter and immediately regretting it when Killua flinched. “Should I let you go?”

“I don't know anymore.”

Reluctantly Gon released his grip, moving away to give Killua some space, to let him curl up again and hide his face in his knees.

“I didn't know how to stop it,” he mumbled. “I didn't know what to say to convince you.”

“Killua, you don't have to convince me, just tell me to stop.”

“I didn't know that was an option.”

“Are you kidding? Of course it was an option! Killua! Never do anything you don't want to do, no one can make you! You were always allowed to say no!”

“Then no,” he forced out, his jaw clenched now. “No. I want you to stop.”

“Okay,” Gon nodded firmly. “I'm sorry, I won't do it again.”

“I just don't understand how you can just... Just out of nowhere, decide you want to try that stuff. And... And because... Because I was here, because I was in the next room, you just... You just decide I'm the one who's gonna do it.”

“What?” Gon asked softly. “Killua, no. It wasn't like that.”

“What was it like, then?” Killua spat, “because that's sure as hell what it looked like to me.”

Gon didn't speak right away, thinking back, his forehead creasing as he pondered it.

“It was the way I said it, right? I said I wanted to try something.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn't mean I want to try kissing, Killua. I meant I wanted to try kissing _you_.”

“What?”

“It wasn't because you happened to be here, it was because I _like_ you and I guess I thought maybe you liked me too. I was wrong, I see that now, and I'm really sorry, and I know you'll probably never forgive me. But I promise it wasn't like that, Killua. You're the only one in the whole world that I want to kiss, let alone anything more than kissing.”

“Really?”

“Really and truly and postively I promise.”

Killua tore one eye from his knees to peek at him, to see the pain and regret in his face, and after a moment Killua offered him his little finger.

“You promise it's just me?”

“I promise,” Gon repeated, smiling sadly as they locked fingers. “Or I'll swallow a thousand needles.”

Killua planted a tiny kiss on Gon's hand, and Gon's face lit up like nothing he'd ever seen before.

“I do like you,” Killua mumbled, avoiding Gon's eyes. “At least, I think I do. And other people think I do. But... I'm not...”

“Not ready?”

“Not smart,” Killua finished, blushing. “I don't know anything about any of this stuff.”

“That's okay. If you'll maybe give me a second chance, we can go real slow. I won't even hold your hand for the first year if you don't want me to.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“We can try,” Killua nodded. “But none of... You know, that stuff. Not yet.”

“I won't even say the words,” Gon assured him, miming zipping his lips. “If you ever want to, you can tell me, but I'll never say it unless you do.”

“Thank you. Um, you could hug me though.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Gon wriggled in closer to wind his arms around Killua again, gently lowering the fluffy head to his chest. Killua settled in quickly, leaning in to him, and Gon hummed contentedly as he leaned down to match.

“I'll take care of you, Killua,” Gon sighed into his hair. “I'll protect you for ever and ever. Whatever that means, whatever it takes.”

“You really only wanted to kiss me?”

“Yeah. I haven't wanted to do anything with anyone but you for as long as I can remember.”

“Okay,” Killua managed a tiny smile, a little sigh escaping him as he closed his eyes. “Like this is nice, I think I like this part.”

“I agree. We can do this whenever you want, you just have to ask.”

“Okay. Thanks, Gon.”

“You don't need to thank me. You deserve so much better than what I've given you so far. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Mm-hm, that means you have to stay with me for the rest of your life.”

“Gladly.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SaysiOnTwit) and support my writing endeavors or find my other social links etc [here](https://www.saysiwrites.info)


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